#1 Puzzle Pieces

JP/EN

©Kate Dalton

Toronto feels like comfort. Comfort food and comfort views. Toronto feels like variety. Like the appropriate melting pot that created me.

The city spreads like a giant puzzle board, covered in pieces that represent ethnicities, groups, communities, and pockets of culture. Sometimes, those pieces fit well together. Other times, the edges clash; causing ripple effects that are felt far and wide. I tend to traverse those uneven sections, catwalking across a multitude of races, identities, and experiences — like the ones that make up me. These are lonely runways, but I do my best to walk them proudly. The hustle and bustle of Toronto makes that easier. The chase can be addicting, after all.

At times, I feel so free in Toronto. I express myself unapologetically, styling myself in androgynous and occasionally striking ways. Downtown Toronto can also feel like a fashion show, every citizen stepping into their personal power as they strut across the city. I happily fall into similar strides, swaying my hips and letting my hair bounce down my back. It’s a form of liberation I can exist within. In these breathless steps, I feel so full of air.

Sometimes, however, Toronto feels suffocating. Its criticisms are not lost on me, even when I know exactly where I’m going. My background, my curly hair, my femininity, my aura; all elements subject to scrutiny and judgment from people who will never walk my walk. The sleights are various, ranging from direct to microaggressive with everything in-between. All of them hurt.

The blood, sweat, and tears of my ancestors fortified the soil here. On this same soil, I am othered. It’s exhausting — an added hurdle in the race to figure out my place in the greater scheme. On certain days, my smile doesn’t reach my eyes and my sunny disposition is cloudy. I brush it off, equipped with my mother’s prayers and my plans to exceed further.

Still, Toronto feels like comfort. Comfort, that I hope, can be found anywhere. I yearn for extensions into unknown spaces that feature it. To tread the chasms found in other places that bring about culture, acceptance, and hope. I skip to the beat of my city well, but I’m willing to stumble into new symphonies if it means finding a tune that speaks to me. Toronto feels like variety. Variety I know I can find in other places. When I do, I will bring a piece of my city with me.

It might not fit perfectly, but I’m used to that.

About the Author

Born and raised in Toronto, Ontario, Zachariah Highgate has been honing his skills as a rapper, singer, songwriter, and performer since the age of sixteen. As an Afro-Indigenous and Goan artist with a unique style, Zachariah showcases a new Toronto sound curated by his life experiences. His music speaks to his struggles, but also sheds light on his hopes for the future. Zachariah is currently in the studio working on new music, including songs for his upcoming debut EP. Zachariah is also a videographer, working on short films and vlogs, while modelling for designers in the city.
Website: https://linktr.ee/ZachariahHighgate
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChHx7plV33QngUeTfhnj6_Q
Instagram: @ZachariahHighgate

About I SEE YOU

Rooted in Toronto’s BIPOC communities, I SEE YOU is an art project to collectively explore the meaning and importance of acknowledgment through creative writing and portraits. Read the project statement here.

(Copyedited by Ashendri Picon)